shadow

Something I have been musing and pondering for about six months is the utter insanity and sheer chaos of traffic here in Phnom Penh. Daily I amazed at the fact there are so few fatalities along the roadways, especially during rush hour traffic. That is not to say there are not accidents and critical injuries, those happen in spades. In general, head injuries seem to be the dominant injury sustained by moto drivers, bicycle drivers and passengers alike when an accident occurs. On an average day I spend about an hour in my tuk tuk going to and coming from work, which gives me plenty of time to think and ponder the ways of the road.

There is a maneuver, performed by many motorists, I like to call the shadow. Really, it is quite genius and clever. In order to take advantage of the shadow, a person would need to be in a smaller vehicle, spot a larger vehicle which is traveling in the same general direction, get behind it and stay there. While it might not sound that appealing because you can’t go any faster than this larger car, it lends to faster passage through the road ways, thus ensuring you will get where you want to go slightly faster without having to honk your horn quite as much. If there is one rule of traffic I have discovered it is this, no one really has the right of way, but if you are a big car you can push people out of the way, and if a big car is coming you better move. So, utilizing the shadow can be quite productive.

About a month after I started working my tuk tuk driver was taking me to work, and we were running a bit behind schedule due to a road closing. He kept turning around to apologize, I just told him to get me to work as quickly as possible, please. As we turned onto a road a large delivery truck pulled directly in front of us. Instead of going around the truck my driver got as close to the bumper as he could and employed the shadow. We were able to quickly drive down the road because cars and motos alike got out of our way and this large delivery truck, without knowing, provided “safe” passage for us.

My first thought was “great now we are behind a huge truck and this will take forever!” As I sat back and tried to just enjoy my solitude, I started thinking, “this is kind of cool, we can stay behind this truck and our commute will go more smoothly.” How short lived those thoughts were! Just as quickly as the thought came, it went. Because of how closely my driver was following the truck he could not see the potholes that were just ahead, or predict if a dog was about to run out in front of us, or if a person was about to cross around. Not only were there those uncertainties, it stunk, literally. The exhaust from the truck came directly into our faces, polluting our bodies with all of it’s toxins.

An idea, the shadow, which at first glance seems so great it actually quite toxic and could potentially be harmful. Then my mind went in a completely different directions, off of the road and to life and the people among which I live and with whom I interact. Often it feels as though there is a cloud of oppression hanging over the country of Cambodia. People live in fear, they are stuck in a cycle and can’t see a way out because they look no further than the shadow in front of them. When life is hard, and there is a pot hole, or a person gets sick and dies they have no warning or hope that life will get better…that perhaps their storm cloud could bring a refreshing rain. A refreshing rain of peace, wholeness, redemption, love and oneness with Christ. The God that I know and love is at work all around me here, and yet the veil of blindness falls heavy over the eyes of the Khmer people.

How easy it is to spot where others need to surrender, or where the Lord is at work in a foreign land. Yet, sometimes self reflection is a bit harder, because it hits home and it means I have to change and grow…an unending process of becoming more like Christ. As my mind started to head down that road I wondered exactly what things in my life could be a shadow under which I was living. Do I need to find freedom from something, or allow the Lord to bring wholeness and healing to a particular area of my life? The truth is, there are several things in my life behind which I could hide. But the redemptive truth is that God loves me far more than the things behind which I hide, and speaks into my life and brings a refreshing rain to heal and help me grow. My name, Kleinfeld, sometimes speaks for itself and it would be easy to let it hover over my head and be bitter or frustrated. But, my name is a good name, one which speaks of Christ’s love, standing out in this world and not giving in, going the distance and fighting for that which I believe. Allowing my job to be my shadow would be easy, but I am not my job. Yes, I am a teacher, and everyday I interact with incredible knee highs who desperately need to know of Gods abundant love. When the day comes to a close, and when all is said and done, I am simply me: Susan Grace Kleinfeld, beloved daughter of Jesus Christ, freed from all clouds of oppression, experiencing His grace, mercy, and healing rain.

“Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will” Romans 12:2